Sunday, February 12, 2012

Mirror, Mirror February 14, 2006

I was just looking at some of my work, and came across this poem that I wrote and decided to share it.

Mirror, Mirror
The mirror what you see is it what actually is or is it what you want or what we create it to be? The image of self we see is it real or just a figment of your own imagination. Can it be that you see yourself as you want to be? That your image of self is the inner image that you truly want to see, and that who you really want to be.
When you look in the mirror do you see what you want to see? Do you see what others want you to see or the inner you that is really ME? Not the little me that you know but the big me of who you really are, the ME that everyone does not see the sometimes ugly ME or should I say the beautiful ME when the world finds you physically unattractive the beauty that they never see because they never get to know that ME because they focus on the physical. So busy looking that they don’t even see the real ME.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Silence

Silence can be taken as a weakness but it can be one of the deadliest weapons in your arsenal. What you know and keep to yourself can often times be the best weapon of choice when time presents itself. ~S. Evelyn Jackson

There are many instances where your silence can be misconstrued and taken for something that it isn’t. Silence in many instances can be a resourceful weapon, and tool that can enable one to be observant, and take in all the information that one would need and build their resources and information. It can provide them with the tools that they can and will need at another appointed time that will in essence give them the upper hand and in some instances give them the weapons of their warfare assisting in their battle or the games we play in life. Life is a game of exchanges and interchanges that we interact with others in. Our choices to or not to interact is in fact a form of exchange, it is the exchange of non-exchange.

When you are silent it sends a non-verbal message to others and depending on their position they will conceptualize that communication to mean many different things depending on their perception and where they are in life will play a major role in this conceptualization. The information that you gain in this time period is some of the most resourceful that you can ever attain. How it is used can determine your level of success in using it, and applying the information you have gained. There are instances that people misread and misunderstand the reason for the silence and in their ignorance make false judgments. This is how and where the silence is a deadly weapon in your arsenal. When people make false assumptions they don't know the cards you are holding and the wealth of resources backing and behind you. They are only aware of what they initially see, and what you have given them. Nothing, with your silence all they have is the non-verbal communications you have provided through the demeanor, and body language.

Yet, they still assume unaware that you are gaining intel, that is the best way to describe it, on how you will actively engage in the exchange and interchange with them and others. In the end, there are Rules of Engagement, and if you don't know the rules you will fail miserably. When you know and/or understand these rules it helps you and gives you some of the tools, resources, and weapons you need in your arsenal to be successful. Know who you exchange, and interchange with in the game of life and always think about how you will exchange and interchange with them in the game or your experience will be forced exchanges and interchanges not of your liking.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Are Black Men Intimidated by Strong Black Women?

Ok, so the other day I was doing some thinking. I was wondering why some women tell themselves the lie that they are single because men, typically black men, are intimidated by them because they are "strong black women." Well I just wanted to say that is the furthest from true. I am not sure how this whole thing got started, and why it has lived the life it has. This is the worst lie you can tell yourself. Matter of fact its the worst lie you can tell your girlfriend and even believe worst of all.

There are probably a plethora of reasons why he has not chosen you as "the one." One of the major factors is when a man meets a woman he already has an idea what he wants and expects from her. He has sized her up mentally and decided what her potential "worth" is to him, and in getting know her he decides if she is worth taking the risk of indulging. At some point he evaluates between the cost and the benefits and which one outweighs the other. That is the determining factor whether he is going to go any further with her or just dip out chucking her the deuces as he moves on to the next hot thing that catches his eye.

When a man just drops off the face of the earth there are probably many reasons that he has decided to exit stage right. The fact is that he has decided that with YOU the cost of being with you and the benefits are not worth the risk of him taking the chance with you. So, he has opted out of the temporary "situation" with you. Basically, he has decided to keep it moving. So just because he was interested and then all of a sudden he decides to go cold turkey. Don't get your panties in a bunch and brood trying to figure out what you did wrong, or if he even really wants to be with you. He may have, and he may not, or there may be other conditions that he is dealing with and he feels that the timing is wrong.

Don't waste your time talking to your girls, and listening to the lies they are going to tell you about how you can get him. This is not one of those situations. There could have been a many things that you did that let him know that you could be needy. There can be other issues that have nothing to do with you. Either way it doesn't even matter. Just know that the excuse that your girlfriends may give you while she works her neck in sista girl tone is that "girl, he can't handle a woman like you. You are a STRONG black woman, and he is intimidated by you." That is not true, a women in her right mind, and all the right qualities and even yes a STRONG black woman is attractive to black men and they are not afraid of us. Actually they love us, but the factors that chase them away do not include intimidation. So, just erase that idea, factor and element from the equation because it doesn't make good math.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Grad School

Ok, so its been a while since I have been on here. I have to try to be a little better. Especially since this is supposed to be my outlet. LOL. Well it has definitely been an experience being back in school. I have been missing school and I am glad to be back, but MAN grad school is, let me think of words to describe it, ROUGH.

But no really. I enjoy the interactions and the mental stimulation. Especially due to the lack thereof in my life. So, now I look forward to academia. I am really enjoying grad school, and I can't wait for the next level. Sometimes it takes your life taking a turn for the worst to lead you to finding your destiny and purpose in life.

I am glad that I knew what mine was all the time. It is just sad that sometimes we get caught up in situations that take up so much time and prevent us from taking the risks and chances we need to in our lives. Then life happens and throws us a curve ball, and we have to decide how we are going to react to it. I say duck and and play along. Eventually you will figure it out and you will come out ahead.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

End of the Innocence.

Okay so it is 3:00 AM and I am still awake. Why? I still have no idea. Though in my mind I plan on going to church tomorrow how possible will that be as time drags on into this morning. So many things run through my mind that sometimes it is challenging to even stay focused. There are times when you have to even consider what exactly is focused. I mean really in this society that we live in we are so constantly rushed and hurried to go here and there and do this and that yet we have no real reason for the hurry or rush.

Why then have we gotten so consumed with the idea of hurry, hurry, rush, rush? Can we ever go back to a normal pace? Does normal even exist anymore or will we have to go to some where like the Caribbean and develop the whole, "NO problem MON" mentality just to slow down. Maybe we need to recognize and realize the things in life that really matter cherishing and honoring them.

It seems in this western culture, the American culture that we have no concept of what really matters. The moral fiber has slowly deteriorated along with the respect for authority and others. We have become a society that has no boundaries and limitations. It is a do what you want when you want society and worry about the consequences and repercussions later.

It is almost scary because we have made what was once sacred profane and the profane is normal. What really happened to bring us to where we are? What is the chain of events that have brought this country to where it is? Is it the whole Roe vs Wade, could it be the separation of church and state. What exactly is the invisible line that was drawn and we somehow crossed it and there is no turning back.

Can we recover the innocence and youth that we lost so long ago that children now have no concept of? To think that just a little over twenty years ago, a child was still somewhat innocent at the age of 12 yrs old, and now there are few 5 yr olds that can still be considered innocent. How have the children of America been robbed of their innocence, and where did it go? Will it ever be possible for us to recapture it, and bring it back?

Friday, April 16, 2010

Excited

OK so I have a few pots on the stove cooking and I am just absolutely excited about the outcome on each of those dishes. Pots=projects that I am working on. I am in the development phases of an all natural haircare/skincare line, writing a book, and trying to find my way in this whole "motivational speaker" thing. So there is a lot that I want to do, and I struggle to find the right direction. It is almost more then challenging to find out how to start, where to start. Everyone has advice, but they always say, "come to my next convention on ______________, and you will get some important resources that will help you get started."

It really isn't easy trying to find your way in the public speaking, mentoring, motivational speaking facet. Seems like everyone wants you to become their sponsor. You pay a few thousand dollars to listen to them tell you what they did and the mistakes they made to make it into that field. Needless to say, you have to spend more money to get their CD, book, DVD, and series; which is available NOW for ONLY the low price of $199.99 for the whole series exclusively today. Yea, right.

I believe that some of the best lessons are available free, we just have to search, look and really desire to find them and we will find them. Often times you spend your money and time searching thinking that you will be given this "key" when in reality you are only given part of the story. It is up to you to listen closely and get all the pieces of the puzzle you need to put it together yourself. Truth of the matter is most of these people are not going to tell you, you pay and they only give you partial keys.

What I find is that you get the keys from everywhere, everyone, collectively and you put it together. Some here, there and everywhere. It is up to you to string it together like a strand of pearls. You take the wisdom and connect it the way it should go, each piece fitting the one destined for it. The irony is that I wonder out of curiosity how many people are truly destined for the whole "motivational speaker" position. I mean, really? How many just see it as a means of profit to sell their next best idea? If you truly are as I like to call it a "life enrichment coach" you would be willing to share your knowledge openly. It doesn't mean that everyone is willing, able or capable of understanding and receiving it.

Now, don't get me wrong if they write a book they should sell it, because of the cost of publication, distribution and all those other things have to be factored into the whole equation. But to say that they will "teach" you to do something that in my humble opinion either you are called to it or not. There just are certain things that everyone can not do. Everyone is not an effective speaker, everyone is not able to relate to their audience and appeal to them capturing their attention.

So, I am saying this to say this we really need to pay attention to some of these "motivational" people. Some are good, others are very flashy, quick speakers who say things that sound good but you wonder OK, how is this relevant to me? How can I take this information and make it applicable to my life, and how can this improve my life? I consider some just like the "prophets" of the church who "prophelie" yes, I said it they PROPHE-LIE. They tell lies, and tell people what they think they want to hear. How does that help people? It doesn't it hurts them.

We even need to be careful with some of these preachers. I mean really. When you think about it you really need to discern their agenda. Everyone has an agenda. Mine is I want women to see the mistakes they are making. I want them to see the truth and not place blame on external forces, but accept accountability for the choices they made to attract the situations, lifestyles, and circumstances in their life to exist.

When we are able to determine that the key to everything that happens, happened, and is happening in our lives is ME, then we can change how ME thinks so that ME can change what it attracts. One reality is that the truth is consistent, and constant it never changes. You can like it, love it or even hate it either way it doesn't change. We struggle so often with the truth, not because of the source of it, but because it makes us question the very things that it challenges.

Friday, April 9, 2010

What if Girl?

Ok, so one day your ex comes to you and he tells you that he wonders, "what if." He is married/in a committed relationship and maybe things aren't as he would like or thought they would be, and he then starts wondering possibly what if he had chosen you. Sometimes when you think about it you may be flattered, but really this is somewhat of a left handed compliment. Basically, you are only a second thought after he chose someone else. I mean REALLY? That is somewhat hurtful. That you didn't make it to first place, but that he could/would come back to you and wonder out of curiosity what the possibilities could have been with you. The irony is that you have moved on, but for some strange reason you are still in his thoughts.

Ok, so is it good or bad to be the what if girl. Well it has its benefits and its curses. There is such a duality to being the what if girl. It is good because it says that you did something right that he still thinks about you. But then again it also says that at some point the other woman who won first place did something you didn't do. Something to think about huh? The epiphany here is that you shouldn't fall in this trap. It is a trap, see what happens is that at some point he wants to try having his cake and eating it too. Don't fall for it girl.

See what he will do is flatter you, and make you feel good that he is still thinking about you. It is only a ploy, because essentially he will go back to the wife, or girlfriend. But either way he is still not choosing you as the number one. So, why does this situation happen. Well probably because for some strange reason he is a double minded man and just can't make up his mind what he wants or because he is just plain old greedy. Either way, don't get drawn into this trap. It will take you in quick and drag you to the bottom of the lake quick and drown you.

You are and deserve better then to be anyone's second best or second choice. Why are you allowing yourself to be an option to him? He didn't even give you priority status, he gave that to someone else. Regardless of what he says the situation is with the other woman, he is going to tell you what you want to hear so that he can get what he wants. So in the end who wins and who looses when you are the What if Girl?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Things that make you go, Hmmmmmm?

Ok, so I decided to start actively dating again. I am just curious what makes some people think that just because you mutually find each other attractive that equates that you should have sex? I mean REALLY? First, being physically attracted to someone doesn't mean that you will connect on that level. Second, I want to know what is in your head. We already agree that we like the physical, but there is more then the physical that can keep someone interested.

So, after given the opportunity to "see what's in your head" I am still at the same point as before. Why is it that some people when you talk to them via communication devices they have so much conversation but you get them up close in personal and they shut it DOWN? Hmmmm.

Now the next one is this. I am really wondering about this. Someone is in a relationship and they are openly acting like they aren't. When you ask they admit it and basically say that it is just physical, but a relationship none the less. In the mean time in between time during this "relationship" they are entertaining you. Now, let's think about this. If they are even considering anything with you and they are openly admitting they are in a relationship what type of person is this? Is this someone you even want to go on that level with because you have a few things to consider.
1) Loyalty and commitment. He/she is proving that their level of loyalty and commitment is not very good. What they do in their current relationship they will do with you "if " given the opportunity.
2) Respect. He/she has no respect for you, their relationship, and the person they are with. I mean REALLY? Is this someone you want to consider anything with especially intimate moments? If they are doing this to their significant other, there is no question that it would be done to you, and with someone else.
3) Boundaries. He/she has no boundaries, no limitations and most of all no moral fiber. I mean really they are proving to you they have no conscience and concept of right and wrong or they just blatantly don't care.

So, why do we women when presented with this dilemma we go along with the program and enlist for this mess? I just don't understand it. We deserve and should expect so much more and better for ourselves. But somehow we in the back of our minds think and believe that we don't deserve it possibly?

We really need to talk about this issue and get it out there. Possibly even maybe change how we are thinking and responding to this situation. It is all too familiar to us that we think, believe and feel it is normal. It isn't, and shouldn't be accepted. This is when KIR (keeping it real) goes wrong.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Why?

Ok, so lately I have been wondering why, we as women allow ourselves to fall into relationships where we are not valued, appreciated and the affection we give isn't reciprocated. It is sometimes a hard pill to swallow knowing that you are on the giving end and never receiving. I think mostly we end up in this position because we are so eager to accept people, especially men for who they are and see the good in them even when it doesn't exist. We are even willing to settle for someone rather then be alone and wait for the right person to come along. Why do we do this? It is often to our detriment that we settle and get into these self destructive relationships with men who never truly give us what we are worth, or even value us in this "facade" of a relationship.

I mean really when you take a step back, it really isn't a relationship. He does what he wants, when he wants and openly states he doesn't want to announce that he is in a relationship with you. What does that say? I mean this is supposedly the man who says that he cares about you, and wants to make a life with you but he doesn't want to tell the people that he knows he is with you. WTH kind of BS is that? That is some real garbage, and we, women are willing to accept that.

We are even willing to accept being an option to a man who we make a priority. Really? WE do this entirely too much. Accepting anything just for the sake of saying you have a man, then to be alone. Why? Do you not like yourself that much that you can't stand to be with you?

We allow ourselves to be in this situations that literally eat away at our self esteem, and then we become these insecure, spying, creeping women. We hack into his e-mail, steal away to peek in his phone, check his Facebook. Why? Why? Why? Why not just let him go and let him be? Can we just really fall into love with ourselves for a moment, and just embellish in who we are for a moment so that we can avoid these situations and find men who appreciate us for the gems we are. Treat us like the queens that we should be, adore us just for being the unique being God created you to be.

Why not just cut that bond you have with that man that really truly doesn't want you, and be FREE. Then you will see as soon as you release those chains he has on you he will come chasing after you. Take control back over you, your feelings, your emotions and LIVE, LOVE and enjoy LIFE.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Here We Go.

Ok, so I decided to begin to blog, and I am not sure where to start. Right here would be a good place don't you think? I am really excited see this is only the dawn of a new horizon. It starts now. See we have control over every single thing that happens in our lives, our failure, success, and even the things in between. So, today I start in a new direction on my path to discovery. Discovery of what you ask? We will see, and it will be determined as we travel on this journey.

I am finding that the more "we" obsess over things we have no control we control it less, truth is we never did control it. So, why not take the easy route the path of less resistance and just let things happen natural as they will anyway and sit back and enjoy the ride? Yes, I am here for the ride and I am excited about it because I know that I won't be let down not one minute.

Come along, enjoy, experience and lavish in the experience with me.